When you here the words forgive the words are so much more loaded than we are ready to accept. Is the heart of forgiveness to really forget? I see that as the easy out… instead you should probably say I just don’t care about you just let me move on. Here’s why.
Forgetting is dismissing the events or issues that led to a hurt, offense or misunderstanding. I would see the bulk of scripture speaking and showing us this… Forgive and remember in love and grace! Yes they may hurt you AGAIN! Turn the other cheek, you can’t offer the other cheek if you forget the other was struck. Yes, this is a challenge and begs the question, how many times are you supposed to forgive??? Seventy TIMES seven was the answer I remember!
It’s easy to get mad and just hang on to our definition of justice backed up by our hurt and how right we are in our position. It makes perfect sense till we see the lack of growth in people’s lives, and the same cycles of sin in our lives never going away. You see we are intended to be Kingdom people walking together with people through their junk AND our junk too. Where two or more are gathered- God is in their midst. In His presence power and healing are there. Forgiving brings us to proximity in relationships- it gets us to the table. Walking through our lives together brings unity by involving trust, humility and love. So I choose not to forget, but to heal. To offer the cheek again to radically love, make things right, and bring about restoration.
Shalom
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Forgive & Forget
Posted by Rick Mazaira at 9:08 PM
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9 comments:
Your post reminded me of something Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."
This is tough stuff. No wonder we need God's help in EVERY area of life.
Thanks Joe!
Well said. We all get hurt and have wounds but eventually the pain leaves, the wound heals, and only a scar remains. Some scars are bigger than others but each one carries a reminder, a lesson of our experiences that we carry for the rest of our days on earth.
Although I think amnesia would be nice option for some struggles we face in life...
Great perspective Doulos! But, theory is easy, putting it into practice is where the hard-core follower meets the path. Humility, is I believe, the hardest Christian fruit to ripen, or for many even to bear. This is where heart and knowledge have to collide and work together.
Also, often times as we mature, we look back and realize we weren't even close to "right" in the position we had in a given situation gone by. If you look back and never see where you were wrong, then no growth in Christ has occured. The only "right" perspective in this universe, is God's. We should always be able to see where we could have done things differently, and, be able to apologize for it. As we grow, we often realize that even though we had the right biblical perspective, our heart and actions did not demonstrate God's heart, but actually had just the opposite effect on those around us. After all, as Jesus hung on the cross, He was the ultimate example of "right," yet in humility He died anyway, not needing to prove His righteousness beforehand.
Can you really show new mercy and lovingkindness each day, as our God in heaven does? He forgives when we ask, without having to prove His righteousness beforehand. And... maybe the account we will someday have to give to Him for our actions, simply means that as our heart changes and matures, our own conscience will hold us accountable for how we failed our Maker. It is usually much harder for us to forgive ourselves and others, than it is for God to do so.
Our ledger should hold only an accounting of our own wrongs for which God forgave us, and a generous portion of grace and forgiveness for those around us... in the same measure we would hope for, from our Father who graciously forgives us seven times seventy.
Show me a man who always has to prove he is right, and I will show you a lonely man.
Fields...
Thanks, sounds like it was a cathartic moment for you too...
I think every person does their own business with God and has there own actions to account for. The need to right is just another idol. Love is right... love seeks what's best for the other. God is the judge of motives; as for me, I choose love and it is that choice I see as maturity. Can I do it every day... I need to, we all do. So good luck in your journey... much grace to you.
Real forgiveness is not colored with presumptions that the other person apologize or change. It stupid to worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life caters back truth to people in its own way and time.
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
-Thomas S. Szasz-
I believe You have shown us Wisdom Rick, and thats what makes you a great leader of this community.
Moving Forward!
Thanks, I'm just a guy tryin' to be the man my dog thinks I am! I just think that all I can do to be Christ like is forgive. I can't create anything new... I can't do much in my own power, just get out of the way and let the Spirit of God move.
I found this to be very insightful. I completely agree with what Nate said.
"Real forgiveness is not colored with presumptions that the other person apologize or change. Its stupid to worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them."
We must forgive, because we're forgiven. How much more have we hurt Him, and yet He still forgives us.
What I think people often misunderstand is they think forgiveness is the same as reconciliation and restoration. Reconciliation and restoration involves much more than just forgiving. It involves apologies, repentance, making the wrongs right and ultimately restoring and reconciling the trust and relationship. Too often, people wait to forgive for these attributes, just like Nate said. And he's right. Like Rick said, we must forgive in grace.
It's not always healthy to restore a relationship. If say, a woman is in a relationship and is continuously abused, she needs to leave, with no looking back. It is unhealthy to restore that relationship. Maybe some day after much change in that person, she may be able to reconcile. However, its not healthy to return until change is seen. It would prove a fool to keep going back to an unhealthy situation.
Proverbs 26:11, As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats its folly.
I think the real lesson in all of this is, perhaps even more unhealthy for her, would be, to not forgive that person.
Good words.
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